today i learned that i hate having to think about things i don’t want to think about, but i guess its just easier to get those thoughts and ideas over with first instead of putting them aside, until they force themselves to be thought about and then it just sucks cause you hid the truth in the back of your mind, and then they have to be dealt with at a certain time and then you look back at when you first put that thought in the back of your mind and you realize it wouldve been so much easier to just deal with the pain of whatever you have to do now, when you first ignored it, because your heart breaks so much more then it wouldve several months ago when this thought first occurred. 

i love you so much and i hate myself for what i’ve become.